Become a Foster Parent
Dear Prospective Foster Parent (I am so happy you are here!):
“How did you become a foster parent?” This is the question so many of my friends and colleagues have asked me since I became licensed as a foster mom in 2016. The inquiring minds, of pretty much everyone in my inner circle and beyond, asked me. I have joyfully and proudly told my story over and over again and will continue to tell my story for the rest of my life. Becoming a foster mom (and now adoptive mom) has been the biggest accomplishment of my life. I love to spread awareness of foster parenting and all that comes with it: the process, the risks, the rewards and most of all the warmth you will feel in your heart and soul when you are helping a child that has endured trauma, abuse and/or neglect.
The first step to become a foster parent is to assess yourself and your family’s situation. Much like preparing to have a biological child, you need to ask yourself and/or your partner or family “is this right for me/us?”. Fostering a child is very comparable to parenting a biological child in the sense that it is a full time commitment! There are several types of foster parents and while nothing is written in stone, it is important to assess your situation and think about what type of fostering is best suited for you. It’s best to ask a licensed child welfare worker about the specifics to each type of foster parenting, but based on my experiences, here are brief summaries to which I am familiar.
Emergency Care Foster Parent: you provide short term care for a child/children in urgent need of care.
Example: a child is removed from his home at any hour of the day due to an unsafe situation. You receive a phone call from your social worker and the child needs to be placed immediately into an emergency care home until a permanent foster home is found. Sometimes emergency care homes only house a child for a few hours, for a full day or night or two. Each situation is different. In my opinion, emergency care is best for individuals or families with flexible schedules that are home a lot and can rearrange daily/nightly plans with short notice. I have personally known one emergency care foster parent couple that makes it work 99% of the time. The husband works the night shift and his wife works the day shift. Someone is always home and they are able to provide and care for the foster children around the clock.
Foster Parent: you provide short or long term care for a child/children in need and don’t necessarily have intentions to adopt a child. You are willing to have a child live in your home for several weeks or months at a time. You will most likely have a revolving door of children coming in and going out.
Example: a 7 year old child is taken from her home because her mother has been arrested and won’t have a trial for 6 months. The child has no other parent, relatives or kin that are willing or able to take the child while the mother is in jail. This little girl needs a safe home until mother’s trial date and possibly beyond that date, depending on the outcome. Another example could include an infant that needs a foster home immediately after birth. If birth mother is addicted to drugs, often times her baby will be placed in a loving foster home until it is determined that baby is safe to reunify with birth mother. In my opinion, this type of foster parenting is best for individuals or couples that are able to care for multiple types of children at any specific time and who are able to withstand sadness when and if the child is reunified with the biological parent(s) or next of kin. The love is REAL and connections are made. When a child leaves, you will need to remind yourself through the heartache that another child is waiting to arrive at your loving and nurturing home and that may help the transition be smoother.
Pre-Adoptive Foster Parent: you foster a child/children with hopes to adopt that child/children. Most children that are placed in pre-adoptive homes are on the adoption track, meaning that the rights of the biological parents have been terminated or are en route to being terminated. When I became a foster parent, I knew that I wanted to adopt. Not to say that I wouldn’t have fostered other children, but my end goal was to foster a pre-adoptive child. Nothing is guaranteed and circumstances can change, but social workers do their best to place pre-adoptive children in pre-adoptive homes.
Example: when I became licensed as a foster mom, I specified to my social worker that I preferred a child on the adoption track and preferred a toddler. He did his best to match me with my specifications and it ended up working out for me, although it was a long road and somewhat of a roller coaster ride until adoption day 2.5 years later. And as a side note, I’d take that roller coaster ride over and over again and wouldn’t change a thing! To give you another example of my situation, my son was living in a foster home before he moved into my pre-adoptive home. I met him at his foster home, spent some time with him there and then started to take him for the day and then for an overnight. I was very lucky that his previous foster mom was so accommodating. About two weeks later, he moved into my home and the rest is history! I should also note that I was able to maintain a relationship with his biological mother and his biological siblings throughout the process.
The bottom line is, whichever type of foster parent you want to become is not important. You may start as one type and then change to another and that is OK. Some foster parents end up adopting their foster children even if they aren’t listed as pre-adoptive foster parents on paper. Every situation is different and options are your options are endless. All foster parents are important and meaningful in the lives of these children whether it’s for a day or a lifetime. If you have the love in your heart, the commitment and eagerness to care for a child in need, do it! If you have any hesitation, my suggestion would be to at least take the training classes and then decide if fostering is right for you. I had a friend take the training class and then a family member became really sick and she had to postpone to the next session and that was OK. I have another friend that trained and then decided it wasn’t right for her and I applauded her for being honest with her feelings (although she would have been an excellent foster mom!) and that was OK too. I have made many connections with foster and pre-adoptive parents over the years that have had great success stories and I’d love you to be one of them!
When you are ready to start the process of becoming a foster parent (yay!), the first step is to contact your state or local office of children and families, youth services or social services. Each state uses a different name for their designated office and we have compiled a list (below) of each state’s office and contact information. Once you make contact, you will be put in connection with someone that can help you begin the process. And in full disclosure, the process of becoming a foster parent is not a quick one. I unknowingly assumed that after my initial phone call to my local DCF office that I’d be added to a foster parent list and have a child at my doorstep within a few days! I was shocked to find out I had to attend a 3 month training course on how to actually become a foster parent. I was also somewhat disappointed, I was ready for a child…NOW! There are so many kids in need of a good home, why is the DCF making me wait and why do they have to train me?
My foster parent training session began in January 2016 and lasted through April 2016. I attended class at my local DCF office every Tuesday night during those months for 3 hours at a time. The class had about 20 individuals, many of whom I am still connected with on social media. Social workers led the training and each week a different topic was discussed. There were often guest speakers as well; current foster or adoptive parents, child welfare attorneys and police officers each there to teach the class of their experiences and knowledge of the child welfare system. I learned so much and was so grateful to be so in-tuned with what was real about foster parenting. During class, I often thought to myself that I was glad my initial theory of a child showing up on my doorstep “within a day” was inaccurate. I needed this training class and needed to be educated on all of the trials, tribulations and success stories of being a foster parent.
If you have ANY inclination of becoming a foster parent, I highly encourage you to contact your state or local office (list below) and start the process. Attend the classes or workshops, read our Foster Parent Blog, connect with other foster parents in your area or on social media groups to gather as much information as you can. In the United States, there are currently more than 400,000 children ranging from infants to teenagers that need stable, loving homes. There are more children in foster care than there are foster homes. Opening your heart and home to a foster child is one of the biggest acts of kindness one can do in a lifetime.
Best wishes for a successful journey!
Dara
Get Started
Alaska
Current Children in Foster Care: 3,000
Phone: 800-478-7307
Email: acrf@nwresource.org
Website
Alabama
Current Children in Foster Care: 6,000
Phone: 888-545-2372
Email: Families4ALKids@dhr.alabama.gov
Website
Arizona
Current Children in Foster Care: 19,000
Phone: 877-543-7633
Website
Arkansas
Current Children in Foster Care: 4,500
Phone: 501-682-8770
Website
California
Current Children in Foster Care: 60,000
Phone: 916-651-7465
Website
Colorado
Current Children in Foster Care: 5,500
Phone: 844-CO-4-KIDS
Website
Connecticut
Current Children in Foster Care: 4,000
Phone: 888-KID-HERO
Email: kidhero@cafafct.org
Website
Delaware
Current Children in Foster Care: 550
Phone: 302-633-2657
Email: DSCYF_FosterCare@delaware.gov
Website
Florida
Current Children in Foster Care: 19,000
Phone: 833-678-3735
Website
Georgia
Current Children in Foster Care: 14,000
Phone: 404-657-3459
Website
Hawaii
Current Children in Foster Care: 2,766
Phone: 808-441-1117
Website
Idaho
Current Children in Foster Care: 1,500
Website
Illinois
Current Children in Foster Care: 17,900
Phone: 217-524-2029
Website
Indiana
Current Children in Foster Care: 13,000
Website
Iowa
Current Children in Foster Care: 10,000
Phone:
Western Area: 844-574-7787
Northern Area: 844-380-2484
Eastern Area: 844-380-2533
Cedar Rapids Area: 844-380-2534
Des Moines Area: 844-380-2485
Website
Kansas
Current Children in Foster Care: 6,869
Phone: 913-499-8100
Website
Kentucky
Current Children in Foster Care: 9,500
Phone: 859-254-1035
Website
Louisiana
Current Children in Foster Care: 3,561
Phone: 888-524-3578
Website
Maine
Current Children in Foster Care: 2,204
Phone: 844-893-6311
Website
Maryland
Current Children in Foster Care: 4,579
Phone: 410-685-8231
Website
Massachusetts
Current Children in Foster Care: 2,800
Phone: 800-543-7508
Website
Michigan
Current Children in Foster Care: 13,000
Phone: 517-241-3740
Website
Minnesota
Current Children in Foster Care: 10,000
Phone: 612-746-5133
Website
Mississippi
Current Children in Foster Care: 4,200
Phone: 800-821-9157
Website
Missouri
Current Children in Foster Care: 13,000
Website
Montana
Current Children in Foster Care: 3,456
Website
Nebraska
Current Children in Foster Care: 6,231
Phone: 402-498-4700
Website
Nevada
Current Children in Foster Care: 4,541
Phone: 833-803-1183
Website
New Hampshire
Current Children in Foster Care: 900
Website
New Jersey
Current Children in Foster Care: 3,951
Email: njfoster@dcf.nj.gov
Website
New Mexico
Current Children in Foster Care: 2,300
Phone: 800-432-2075
Website
New York
Current Children in Foster Care: 25,397
Website
New Carolina
Current Children in Foster Care: 25,397
Phone: 800-662-7030
Website
North Dakota
Current Children in Foster Care: 1,560
Website
Ohio
Current Children in Foster Care: 16,000
Website
Oklahoma
Current Children in Foster Care: 9,000
Website
Oregon
Current Children in Foster Care: 8,000
Website
Pennsylvania
Current Children in Foster Care: 14,400
Phone: 800-951-5151
Website
Rhode Island
Current Children in Foster Care: 2,509
Email: DCYF.RDS@dcyf.ri.gov
Phone: 401-528-3500
Website
South Carolina
Current Children in Foster Care: 4,356
Website
South Dakota
Current Children in Foster Care: 81
Website
Tennessee
Current Children in Foster Care: 9,000
Website
Texas
Current Children in Foster Care: 29,927
Website
Utah
Current Children in Foster Care: 2,700
Phone: 877-505-5437
Website
Vermont
Current Children in Foster Care: 1,400
Phone: 802-241-1030
Website
Virginia
Current Children in Foster Care: 5,549
Website
Washington
Current Children in Foster Care: 10,068
Phone: 888-543-7414
Website
West Virginia
Current Children in Foster Care: 7,265
Phone: 304-347-9818
Website
Wisconsin
Current Children in Foster Care: 7,000
Phone: 608-422-7000
Email: dcfweb@wisconsin.gov
Website
Wyoming
Current Children in Foster Care: 1,000
Phone: 307-721-1951
Email: thomas.kennah@wyo.gov
Website